天美麻豆

Hi 馃憢聽 dating a turk for last 3 months in California. He told me he is not seeing anyone else or talking to anyone else but does not call me his gf.

His family is back in Turkey he has been married before as well and been divorced for 5 years now. He's been in America for the last 5 years and single, he's 42. I assumed I'd be his gf by now since we see eachother 3 times a week and everything is perfect.

How long do Turkish men date before becoming serious?

Should I ask him if he sees a future with me or is serious or wait longer? He's brought up serious topics like kids, future home plans, and living style and kids names.

I'm not trying to waste my time with any guy and he seems to enjoy his bachelor lifestyle here in socal.

Hello Ladyinsocal,

Welcome to expat.com!

If you've been dating him for the last 3 months, I would suggest you have a serious talk with him.

For a future together, it is important that both of you are on the same page.

More advice and suggestions of other members are the most welcome

Cheers,

Yoginee

天美麻豆 team

@honeylethreyes27

mid he wants sex in first week then - guess what he is just sowing seeds in your garden

I doubt he will be your permanent Gardner

@fireflowermk - for your sake I hope he is the real deal

if you already have trust issues from his lively past - then expect that the leopard does not change spots at that age -

does he have a job or you are now sponsor to him - if yes then - you are just his menu and the way to pay

if he has not got a job then you have the wrong guy

@bill30 he has been in the usa for 5 years and is successful with a well known company and has a green card already before I met him....

@Yoginee thank you!聽 We did have a chat last month that he stated he's only seeing me and there's no one else and he said "I thought it was obvious" (since we see eachother so consistently and was there for my birthday and met my friends and birthday gifts).

But he still likes to go out with his single friends to places I would consider are meat markets out here once a week for a fun time which bothers me. He mentioned this last weekend if i was considering moving i should move into his apt building (closer distance)...but he didnt say move in with me. So it's just hard to tell if he wants to be a bachelor 馃槙聽 for a while.

@Ladyinsocal聽 good start -

Hi guys help me out here,

I鈥檝e been dating a Turkish lad of 30 for 4 months now, I鈥檓 37 and we see each other 2-3 times a week for Dates out and sleep overs and I鈥檝e met some of his friends. I鈥檓 starting to get feelings for him but I鈥檓 so scared to tell him in case I scare him off鈥�. I know he is starting to get feelings for me by the way he treats me and he calls me 鈥淢y love鈥� even in front of people. I鈥檓 just unsure how to approach it鈥�. Do I wait for him and just let things progress naturally.聽

@R_yav31 have a talk...I had this "serious" talk with mine in Aug and this month. Gave him chances to be honest, caught him in lies last week and he tried to turn the page and say his feelings were different all off sudden. It's because he knew he got caught in a web of lies and seeing someone else behind my back. Definitely dont waste time we broke up because he was a liar and cheat.

@Ladyinsocal Good on you! Hope you find someone who appreciates you and treats you with love and respect 鉂わ笍

Hello Ladyinsocal,

Thank you for the little update.

I agree with N.maria, you deserve someone who would treat you with love and respect. Do not settle for anything less

All the best for the future,

Yoginee

天美麻豆 team

I met a turkish guy during my holidays in Istambul and I'm so in love with him. He was amazing, very sweet during the time we spent together. As soon as I left Istambul he stopped texting. Should I text him and tell him about my feelings or it is pretty obvious for him was just sex? I'm 38 and he is 32.

****

If he is not replying it means he is interested only physical relation ship

@Kate1818 Hiya, me and my turkish boyfriend have been speaking for a while now we met well i was on holiday. but i鈥檓 unsure of how to go about getting him to move to the UK to live with me. we both want to get married but not too sure how it all goes. could you please help me out with how you did it all. TIA x

He should probably with another girl now, so move on.

@Kate1818 would you be happy to email me? ***

@dncole4156 I totally agree with you

@R_yav31 what is his first name? This Turkish guy sounds like the one I have been dating.

@R_yav31 what is the first name of this turkish guy? I am dating a Turkish man, same age and also calls me 鈥渕y love鈥� - so just want to be sure it isn鈥檛 the same man.

@Kate1818 my Turkish聽 man has told me that he has told his Mom about Me?????idont know聽 whether she will like me馃様馃様馃様馃様馃様

Turkey's divorce rate is getting closer to 30%. Most of these divorces occur in bigger cities.聽 The top 3 Reasons for divorce is Financial, Family, and Faith.

Financial: What kind of job does he have? How long has he worked there? Is he good with money? Is he in debt?

Family: How does his family accept you and how does your family accept him? Once married can you agree how your children should be raised? How will you make a final decision if both of you can't come to an agreement?

Faith: Does he share the same moral standards as you?

Turkey is still a Muslim country that embrace ideologies and beliefs that govern these questions. If you can't agree with your boyfriends ideologies and beliefs it will be difficult to have a good marriage. His expectations for marriage is based on the culture he has experienced all his life.

It is still possible to marry a foreigner and have a great marriage. There is much more to be said about this subject, but your relationship with him must be built on a mutual agreement about your expectations in marrage.

I ment to include under the catigory of faith: faithfulness to each other. How do you know the faithfulness of an individual? Find out what his deepest convictions are and see how faithful he is to them. If he ignores his own convictions, this is an indicator of how faithful he will be to you. Another question to consider is how he treats his mother. Like I said before there is much more to this subject, but I think these are some basic things to consider when entering into a relationship. Hope this helps!

@N.maria

I e been with my partner 6 months now and I e met his sister and mother on the phone so is he serious with me

@Christinaasmr1 I want to know it too. The same age and calls me "my love"

@Christinaasmr1 It's the same for me. Met Turkish 30 yo on Tinder. We've been chatting for 2 months. I'm going to meet him for New Year's. He calls me "my love" as well

Gunaydin (please pardon the lack of proper punctuation - American keyboard)!

So I鈥檝e been dating my 40 year old Turkish man for about 4 months; I鈥檓 46. The first weeks were very intense where he was surprisingly emotionally expressive in stark contrast to past romantic interests so much so I mistook it for love bombing, having already experienced narcissistic partners. I decided to end the relationship until I realized that he鈥檚 sensitive by nature and the intensity is cultural so I asked us to make up and we did, and here we are 4 months later.

As a testament to his kind heart, he did not turn me away despite the harshness with which I treated him during the two weeks I thought he was a potentially toxic partner. When I asked him why didn鈥檛 he turn me away, he said never turn away someone who is walking towards you. I have not regretted resuming the beautiful connection we have rather I still feel guilty for having accused him of being toxic鈥� He鈥檚 forgiven me but does bring it up every now and then as a joke, which embarrasses me. I鈥檝e shared with him how embarrassed I feel and he has stopped mentioning it but that doesn鈥檛 mean he is over it. Will he eventually forgive me or do Turkish men hold a passive-aggressive grudge if they believe their honor has been insulted?

The main reason I鈥檓 writing is that he says he鈥檚 divorced from the mother of his child who is 9 years old and when I ask him what happened between them, he consistently says he鈥檒l tell me later. I know there鈥檚 the Turkish concept of events or topics that are unspoken and I shouldn鈥檛 pry yet I can鈥檛 shake the feeling that he鈥檚 still legally married even if the relationship with the mother of his child has ended, which I believe to be true. Ultimately what I鈥檓 trying to ascertain is whether it even matters to the development of our relationship at this point where we communicate mostly through an app since his English isn鈥檛 strong and I鈥檓 learning Turkish albeit slowly? If he is married, it鈥檚 not like we have plans to marry even though I鈥檝e told him I would happily marry him. He鈥檚 adamant about making it clear he wants nothing financial from me. He鈥檚 also prickly about me giving him gifts for Christmas and his birthday. He says all he needs is my heart. At what point is it making it clear to me that he does not seek to benefit himself at my expense and at what point is it machismo where he will not accept it because he鈥檚 not providing it or paying for it (he鈥檚 also a man of humble means)?

Tessekur ederim for any comments or feedback on anything I鈥檝e shared in this post!

@honeylethreyes27 I was married to a turk once and I knew a lot of foreigners that were married to Turks, non of them together any more (including me).

They may be very romantic and caring in the beginning (even overwhelming) and quick to ask you to marry them, but as soon as you become "his" in his mind - they may become the opposite of caring and loving and turn into nightmare, also jealous, selfish and disrespectful to you. The may also have double and triple life and multiple lovers, Keep in mind in turkish culture they lie a lot (or lets say deceive you a lot and its almost normal), so everything they say - think that about 15% of that is true. Also keep in mind if you decide to marry him - you will be marrying his entire family. You also will find yourself alone through all your holidays like Christmas, bday etc, they don't really celebrate it. I found that unless you are from middle eastern culture (or some east russia culture) - the difference in culture is huge and people usually try in the beginning to ignore it and even to change themselves to stay in relationship, but true nature of each person soon of later will come out and when romance worn off - good thing if you don't have kids to fight over, cause you most likely won't be able to take them out of turkey, no turkish court will allow. My sister lost her son, because turkish husband stole him when he was 2 years old and hid him somewhere in his family village, The fixed divorce and paternity rights to his parents, without even inviting her to court, she never saw he son again, and eventually got sick and died over it. And when it comes to young turks marrying older european ladies - let's say husband can't wait when its time for wife to go.. So be very careful, alert and use your best judgment when dealing with such relationship.

@Kate1818

So i am serious about a turkish man .

But i am confused about him .

I want to let him go but i am having a hard time .

He is聽 a crazy turk and enjoys suffering and making people around him suffer . Especially me . I am hanging on to him and i kmow it cant be love anymore , he is a wrecking ball .聽

I want to free of loving this animal ,

Whatever it is i feel for this guy is toxic and its killing me .

I adore him , he is not even cute , he is not the kind of man i really want , what can i do to really just stop feeling anything for this p.o.s.

I am suffering too much , and i dont kmow why .

@meli12385 Sounds like you have typical victim mentality and conditioned your self to suffer in toxic relationship. You need to stop consuming poison (and treat it as a poison, cause its really killing your health) and not just walk away - but immediately switch your attention to something else, then you won't suffer anymore. And by 'something else" i mean - it should be new goal in your life, something you are passionate about, could be your hobby, your carrier, new friends, new place to see, new things that you wanted to learn etc. Just switch the focus to that "new" and treat any interaction with that guy - as drinking poison.