天美麻豆

Have you found it easy to connect with fellow expats or locals in Portugal?Why or why not?

N/A. We haven't actively sought out expats. The locals are nice, but not "let's exchange numbers and go hang out" nice. We have met a few and gone for coffee. They gladly help with our English, and that's nice. We are not much beyond that yet.

Have you noticed cultural differences in the way people make friends or share personal matters? Not really. The wife joined an exercise group, and she's the only American. She loves the fellowship and camaraderie, but when class is over, that's that. Besides that, it's not easy to see how folks are making friends from our perspective.聽 We believe once we begin speaking Portuguese comfortably, that will change. I will say our new Portuguese female friend has no problem telling us her life story, and is very comfortable about it, which I would never do.

Since moving to Portugal, how have your friendships back home evolved? I don't hear from the casual acquaintances anymore. The close-knit siblings and cousins communicate as if I were still there.

Do you ever feel 鈥渙ut of sync鈥� with friends and family in your home country?-In a few instances, because the fact that I moved here changed a few people's reasons to even call me since I'm so far away. I say that because people want to talk if they can relate. If they don't think I'm able to relate, they don't talk to me about the day-to-day anymore. I'm thinking that's why the change of attitude. Let's be honest, some people think you went to Mars and are no longer a US citizen. They can't wrap their head around it. They ask interesting questions. We spend a considerable amount of time demystifying life over here.

How do you deal with the temporary nature of many expat friendships when people (or you) eventually move on?聽 I have a few people I met in A1 class, and we communicate on our WhatsApp when a topic that relates pops up, but that's it. We don't anticipate having a bunch of expat friends. We had our small circle at home, and that's because we've known them for decades.

Have you changed the way you approach relationships since becoming an expat?- No, we are the same here as we were at home. We have met a few Portuguese friends, and they seem nice.

What has been your biggest challenge in building or maintaining friendships in Portugal? -We don't feel there is a challenge. We've only been here 4 months, and besides class, we don't really know any expats yet. Any advice to share?-If you want to meet expat friends, I recommend joining the Porto Together WhatsApp group. That site has over 55 subgroups that may align with your interests, and you will meet many people there.

Have you found it easy to connect鈥�

We were extraordinarily lucky. My husband met a Portuguese empty nester who was looking for a project/new child to take care of. My husband was it! Moreover, she and her husband had substantial political clout in our region. I am not sure how we would have succeeded with the bureaucracy of social security numbers etc., without their help. Through them, we were introduced to several other Portuguese people and expats (she spent a few years in the USA). We now are part of a biggish group of 14 people (a mix of locals and expats), with whom we socialise quite regularly. By expats, I am talking about Americans, American Azoreans, Canadians, South Africans. We are the only Brits.

Have you noticed cultural differences鈥�I think that British folks tend to do a lot of their socialising in the pub. It is a rare thing to be so close to somebody that one just turns up at their house for a cuppa. That has always been my experience anyway. I ca艅t say I sense any strong cultural differences in HOW friends are made,聽 but here, people are much more comfortable (within our group, at any rate) about simply turning up for a coffee. I can`t say that we 鈥渙ver share鈥� on personal matters, but we did艅t do that in the UK either.

Since moving to Portugal鈥�old friendships鈥�.these have literally disappeared. This is largely due to the fact that my 鈥渇riends鈥� were colleagues. As so often happens, when one retires from work, one discovers that on茅s colleagues were not 鈥渇riends鈥� in the true sense.

Out of sync with friends and family鈥�One half of my family (sibling) was prompted to emigrate from the States to Portugal too. With him, I have grown closer. I have not seen the other half for years, but the three of us retain a comfortable relationship over WhatsApp. I share more information regarding my day to day life with the Portuguese half of the sibling trio (for obvious reasons).

Temporaray nature of expat relationships: This does艅t bother me. I am closer to some people in the group than with others. But I am fairly philosophical when a friendship fizzles due to my or their change in geographical circumstances. My husband is my best friend and while we love our friends, we remain a fairly self-contained unit.

Changed the way of approaching friendships鈥�In Portugal, I have embraced a greater variety of friends in terms of ages, personalities, education levels etc than I did in the UK. I find my friendships here richer and more varied in the way I adapt to interacting with the different individuals.

Biggest challenge: Language. Some of the Portuguese friends do not speak good English. It just so happens that they are the personalities with whom I have some of my most pleasant debates. These are conducted in an horrendous version of Portenglish. We both get a little frustrated, given our strong opinions on discussion topics, that we are unable to express these fluently. I have put (and continue to do so) substantial effort into learning portuguese, but with the best will in the world, I cannot see myself ever being fluent enough to conduct a high level conversation on geopolitics in Azorean Portuguese.

Have you found it easy to connect with fellow expats or locals in Portugal? Why or why not?

We live in Portugal for over 10 years, but are expats for over 35 years in a number of different countries. We find the Portuguese very polite, but not 鈥渇riendly鈥� as such. The Portuguese we know focus firstly on family and then on very long time friends they often know from school or university. When living in an expat area, it is much easier to connect with other expats.

Have you noticed cultural differences in the way people make friends or share personal matters?

It is different from country to country. Australia and New Zealand were easy with lots of after work activities and BBQs attended by locals and expats. We are still in contact with some people. At the gym in Portugal one says hello to some people, but that鈥檚 about it. It's not easy to see how folks are making friends, maybe they don鈥檛? It is very hard finding somebody who wants to speak Portuguese with us. Everyone immediately switches to English for ease of communication.

Since moving to Portugal, how have your friendships back home evolved?

No change at all. The ones that we still have are very long time friends who can live with a long distance friendship. Some friends from 鈥渉ome鈥� have visited us in every destination.

Do you ever feel 鈥渙ut of sync鈥� with friends and family in your home country?

Not with the ones who are still friends.

How do you deal with the temporary nature of many expat friendships when people (or you) eventually move on?聽

It depends. With some, one stays in contact for decades. They are just somewhere else. Others are simply gone. Friends for a reason, friends for a season.

Have you changed the way you approach relationships since becoming an expat?

Yes, and we know one cannot force it. Go with the flow and make sure you have a few expat acquaintances who understand your situation. We have a few Portuguese acquaintances, but nobody I would call a friend.

What has been your biggest challenge in building or maintaining friendships in Portugal?

From many expat years we know how it is and we don鈥檛 have high expectations finding real friends in Portugal.聽

Any advice to share?

If you want to find expat friends, live in an area where many expats live (Lisbon, Porto, Algarve). If you want to find real local friends then marry them